Despair
by Starnova1122
Summary: Ezra feels depression after the last mission with the Ghost. At the same time, Sabine begins to feel differently about Ezra. Will they live happily ever after, or will despair be the ultimate undoing of the young Lothalian?


Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or Star Wars rebels, nor any characters, place names, or content in this story. This story is a fan fiction and does not necessarily comply with the actual Star Wars timeline. Rated T for blood and content that may disturb.

Ezra Bridger sat in his bunk bed, head in his hands as he tried to consider what happened that day. Their latest mission to Stygeon Prime had gone horribly wrong, with the crew only just escaping with their lives. The mission had been simple but complex. Infiltrate a remote prison in the Stygeon System, rescue a surviving Jedi master, and get her out.

"Yeah, simple." Chuckled Ezra, as the op had gone nothing like that. Before they knew it, they were surrounded by troops, with the Jedi nowhere to be found. To make matters worse, another force-strong enemy had appeared, a renegade Pau-on who went by the name of: The Inquisitor. Kanan, Ezra and the others barely made it out alive, thanks to some quick thinking on Hera's part. Ezra had almost gotten the entire crew killed in the process, and his head was swimming with thoughts of what they would doubtlessly be thinking about him right now.

He was gravely mistaken, however, as one of the crew was actually thinking the exact opposite of Ezra's reasoning. And that person was, unfortunately, they were the last person on the ship he would've expected it from.

"Hera, can we talk a minute?" Sabine was standing in the doorway of the cockpit, looking at Hera with a strange look on her face, one none of the other spectres had seen.

"Of course, Sabine," said Hera, pulling up a chair next to her. "Sit down."

Sabine did this, and Hera asked, "is everything alright dear?"

Sabine took a moment to think. She had been meaning to get a word in with Hera for awhile. Hera had grown to be sort of a mother to the crew of the ghost, and she was always willing to act as counsellor, and Sabine felt if she could share for feelings with anyone on the ghost, it would be her.

"Yeah, well, no, I guess, I don't know. Things have been kinda different lately."

"Different? In what way sweetie?" Asked Hera.

"Well, it's about… *Sigh,* Ezra."

Hera smiled. She had been hoping this would happen. Ezra had been coming to see Hera a while back, seeking advice on how to win Sabine over. She gave him what she could, but he had stopped coming lately, and why was Sabine was coming to Hera now, when Ezra seemed to stop courting her a few days ago.

Sabine's voice snapped Hera out of her thoughts, and, taking a deep breath, she continued her story.

"So, you know how Ezra's always trying to win me over, well, lately he stopped, just started leaving me alone, leaving us all alone. I don't know why, but, as he was talking to me the other day, I just felt, something. I felt kinda awkward talking to him, and then, I started wanting to talk to him more, and then I just started wanting to be around him, you know? I didn't know what was happening at the moment, but then I just tried to convince myself I'm getting sick, but, Hera, I think I have feelings for him!"

Hera leaned back in her chair as she listened to Sabine's story. She had been expecting this as soon as Sabine wanted to talk about Ezra. She knew Ezra was deeply in love with Sabine, but she had no idea the feeling might be neutral.

Ezra, oblivious to the feelings Sabine was at that moment sharing, was lying in his bed, on his back, just staring up at the ceiling. He was useless, pathetic, just a horrible waste of space. Sabine hated him, Zeb hated him, Chopper hated him, even Kanan often got frustrated at Ezra's lack of focus and discipline. Ezra knew he'd be doing a favour to them all just by dying. If one of his plans actually worked.

The idea, starting off as a simple thought, grew. Ezra thought to himself as he pondered his future.

He could run away.

Ezra sat on his bunk, and made another entry into his journal. He could run away. He doubted the crew would even notice he went, and, even then, they would only be too happy that he was gone. So, after gathering up what little possessions he had and hiding them in his backpack under his bed, he lay back, and meditated.

Back in the cockpit of the Ghost, Hera was counselling Sabine on her new feelings for Ezra.

"Sabine, if you do love him, you'll know. He loves you, though, and I'm worried that, after all those times you rejected him, his heart might be broken. You say he stopped flirting with you a few days ago."

Sabine took Hera's words to heart. She trusted in Hera's advice, and held her suggestions in high praise.

"Ok, Hera, so, just, what do I do now? I've spent the last year rejecting a boy, and then I found out I love him right after he leaves me alone, what do I do now?"

"Talk to him," answered the Togruta. "Go talk about it to him, and see if that gets you anywhere."

Sabine considered this piece of advice. While she hadn't been looking forward to it, she kinda knew this was coming, and after thanking her for the advice, the young Mandalorian girl went to go and find Ezra…

Tomorrow. She would do it tomorrow. Plenty of time then, and she needed time to work out what she was gonna say to him.

Midnight.

The Ghost stood in its regular landing zone, quiet as the crew inside. Well, almost. Kanan was meditating in his room, and Hera was performing some last minute routine checks in the phantom. Zeb was snoring, quite loudly, in his and Ezra's room, and Sabine was asleep, after drifting uneasily off after thinking about Ezra. In fact, only one person on the ship could be considered as awake.

Ezra Bridger.

He sat on the top bunk, watching the hours on his watch tick slowly by. He wasn't a superstitious person, but believed in doing things by exact, and decided to leave at exactly midnight.

11:55

He sat there, wishing the time would go faster.

11:56

Many thoughts were going through his head.

11:57

Pathetic, useless, unwanted.

11:58

They never wanted me.

11:59

They deserve better than a pathetic, worthless.

12:00

Mistake.

He jumped up, and carefully slid down the ladder so's not to wake Zeb. He crept to his hidden compartment, where he held his stuff.

It creaked as he opened it, and he hurriedly turned and stared at Zeb, eyes wide, but the angry Lasat snored on, giving no sign that his own rest had been disturbed by the noise. Ezra hurriedly grabbed his stuff, slung his pack over his back, and stepped out of the room. As he crept through the hallways, he found himself staring at Sabines room, and wishing that she felt the same way about him, as he felt about her.

He took extra care when crossing past Kanans room. As well as being a Jedi, Ezra knew from experience that the cowboy leader had a habit of staying up late meditating, and, after holding his breath, he used the force to muffle his steps as well as hiding his force signature, and tiptoed on.

Morning came.

The sun rose over the ton of durasteel known as the Ghost, and inside, the crew was just starting to stir.

Zeb woke up from another great sleep, and was about to head out when he saw that Ezra hadn't woken up yet.

"Hey kid, wake up!" Growled the Lasat as he poked at the lump under the covers.

Eventually he abandoned the attempt and left the room. Knowing Kanan and Hera wouldn't be waking up for at least another hour, he headed for the kitchen with the intent of grabbing some breakfast while the peace held. Surprisingly, he was not alone.

As he pushed open the door, Sabine was standing there, already fixing some food.

"Oh, morning Zeb." Called Sabine when she noticed him.

"Mornin'. What's got you up so early, you're not usually awake for a while?" Asked the Lasat, as he crossed to the cupboards and started making some toast.

"Oh nothin'. Just wanna get out early and grab a few things."

"What kinda stuff?"

"Wouldn't you just like to know!"

Zeb growled, and took out his anger on a newly arrived Chopper, who shrieked and ran out of the room.

Later, as Sabine left for town with the intent of buying something special, she noticed Ezra's speeder was still parked.

"Probably just still sleeping, it is really early."

So she pushed her own speeder out of the lot and started off towards the city, as she thought about him. She had thought about it a lot overnight, and finally decided that she did have feelings for him. So, she roared off to the city, picked out some paint and then crossed to another store and picked out what she wanted. It took considerably a long time to find what she was looking for, and that, plus a few chance encounters with the bucketheads meant that it was early afternoon by the time she got back.

Surprisingly, when she got back to the Ghost, it was to find the rest of the spectres lounging out in the Ghost, and Ezra nowhere to be found.

"Hey, where's Ezra?" Asked Sabine, setting her paint down on the table and popping her other purchase into her room.

"Probably still asleep," replied Hera, not looking up from the game of Pazzac she was playing with Kanan. "Zeb said he was still asleep when he woke up."

"That's a first," smirked Sabine. "I'm just gonna go wake him. Wanna have a talk with him."

Kanan nodded, not really concentrating as he studied his cards. Only Hera caught Sabines words, and she knew enough about love to keep her thoughts to herself.

Sabine knocked gently on Ezra's door. Upon hearing no answer, she called out,

"Ezra? You awake? Can I come in?"

Further silence continued to worry Sabine, and after entering the door code Ezra had given her, cautiously entered his room. However she had little to worry about. She saw the lump under Ezra's blanket, and hurried to wake him.

"Ezra? Come on, wake up! Wake up, stang it!"

She pulled the sheet down a little, over what she assumed to be his head. However, next minute she fell back in shock. Giving vent to a scream, she ran to tell the others as the blanket fell to the ground, away from the pile of pillows it had been concealing.

Immediately, the whole Ghost was in an uproar. The vents were stripped, the shafts checked and cleaned, Hera checked the Phantom, Kanan tried to contact Ezra and even Zeb checked the garbage chute in case Ezra was there. However, after double-checking every square inch of the Ghost, the crew simply had to conclude that Ezra was not on the ship. After calling everyone back to the lounge for an emergency meeting, Hera desperately tried to figure out where Ezra could be. Zeb was the last to arrive, and when he did, he was waving a holopad around.

"Guys, I found this on Ezra's bunk!"

He set the paper down on the table. On it, in red, was a big, letter X.

"X?" Thought Kanan. "What on earth does X mean?"

The crew fell silent, trying to figure out what the message meant. It was Hera who broke the silence.

"Wonder who wrote it."

"Come on Hera, it must have been Ezra, it was on HIS bunk right after he goes missing!" Exclaimed Kanan.

The lounge fell once again silent as they all pondered Ezra's mysterious message. After awhile, Zeb spoke up.

"Well, 'X' usually means wrong or not right."

"No, that doesn't make any sense." Snapped Sabine, and the room fell silent again.

Sabine sighed. She knew she was being unfair, shouting at Zeb. But she was afraid. Afraid for Ezra. Everyone was.

Days passed and still no solution to the mysterious riddle left by Ezra. His disappearance had impacted greatly on each of the crew.

Hera was spending increased time in the maintenance hatches of the Ghost and Phantom, taking apart systems that were running fine, only to put them back together again, the whole time mumbling to herself.

Zeb would wake up really early in the morning, and leave the Ghost with quite a few credits, and then return at dark smelling of dim cantinas and the strong stench of alcohol. Kanan never even came out of his room, and wouldn't eat anything, meditating all the while. Sabine was being most affected by his disappearance, and there were times when she would explode into fierce and uncontrollable rages. Most of the time however, she just locked herself in her room, refusing to talk to anyone or let anyone in. She felt awful, and didn't even feel like painting anymore. She just lay on her bed, pondering over the holopad in her hands, trying to decipher any secret meaning from it. The only secret 'meaning', she had deciphered from it so far was whoever wrote it was way better at writing codes than she was.

It wasn't until almost two weeks since Ezra went missing that Sabine found out the message. She was lying on her bed, watching the minutes tick by on her clock as it approached midnight. Just watching the seconds, and wondering, if somewhere on Lothal, Ezra was watching the hours also, and thinking about her. Her eyes fell on the holopad, which had been a target of much of her frustration recently. Her hands curled into fists as she found her temper rising. The mystery of the 'X' was extremely frustrating, and she simply felt her rage explode as she slammed her fists onto her bedside table, causing the holopad to fall off the table and onto the floor. As she bent down to pick it up, her mind wandered. It had fallen into a weird position, leaning against her bedpost, reminding her strangely of… Of…

Sabine sat bolt upright in bed, her eyes as wide as gun barrels. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense. One of Ezra's last missions was to the…

"Imperial academy." Whispered Sabine as she tore off the covers and ran out of her room, shouting to all the ghost crew that she had deciphered the puzzle.

It was nearly midnight, and even the Loth-rats had fallen asleep. The inside of the Ghost, however, was a surge of activity, and even the most keen eyed observer could be forgiven if they thought they had walked into a mid-day pyjama party. Everyone gathered around the table in the lounge. Just seconds ago, Sabine had tore out of her room, shouting to everyone that she knew what the note meant. The rest of the Ghost crew hurried out of their rooms, only to find Hera comforting a sobbing Sabine in the lounge. After everyone sat down, Sabine attempted, in between sobs, to tell the guys what happened.

"... And then it got me thinking," said Sabine, as she talked about her discovery. "That one of Ezra's last missions was in the imperial academy on Lothal. So then I remembered that the Empire used a grading system to mark the cadets. And X meant…" She broke off, as she started sobbing again. After a few minutes she raised her head, and finished her story.

"X meant… It meant… *sob* failure, mistake." She finished, gave a loud yell, and began to cry in earnest.

Kanan froze. Those last words of Sabine's struck horror into his heart, as the force told him she was right. He turned to Hera, who was comforting Sabine, then looked at Zeb, whose face was a mask of pure horror. Kanan took only another second to consider what to do next.

"Sabine, Chopper, head to the city. Comb the streets, use Choppers scanner. Zeb, come with me, we're going to Ezra's tower. Hera…"

"Hold on a minute Kanan. A search party? It's the middle of the night!" Exclaimed Hera. "We need to…"

"What we need to do is get out there Hera!" Everyone was shocked to hear Sabine's voice, especially with such an edge of determination in it.

"I'm with you!" Exclaimed Zeb, and with that, Kanan took off towards the boarding ramp, Sabine hot on his heels, and Zeb bringing up the rear. Hera looked at chopper, but all the grumpy astromech could offer was:

Come on, we'd better go after them. Who knows what they're getting themselves into.

Zeb and Kanan were making good time, not just because of the speeders but also because of the determination that raged in each and every one of them. Thanks to this, they reached Ezra's tower a good twenty minutes after leaving, despite the fact the Nav computer placed it at least a half hour away from the Ghost. Upon reaching the tower, Kanan and Zeb slowly parked their bikes, and, after hiding them carefully, entered the tower. As they took a turbolift up to his main area, Kanan took a minute to cool off and consider their next move. He did notice, however, that he could sense great amounts of fear radiating out of the Lasat. He didn't need to ask why. After reaching the top,they split up, and Kanan entered Ezra's bedroom while Zeb continued on around the rim. Barely had Kanan had time to do anything more than pick up one of the many stormtrooper helmets lining the walls, however, before a horrendous yell from Zeb sent him running outside. Seeing Zeb leaning against the rail and looking pale as a sheet, Kanan activated his lightsaber before entering the bathroom Zeb was pointing at. His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates at the horrendous sight that lay before him.

A knife lay in the sink, and the walls were stained with blood.

Sabine had faced many opponents, both before her time in the rebels and during. She had faced innumerable stormtroopers, evil government officials and even Sith Lords. She had stared death in the face more times than she could count, and she had never once been afraid of them. Now, however, she was more than just afraid. She was absolutely mind-numbingly terrified.

Sabine had been only six when her parents had been executed by the Empire. She had watched, horrified, as the stormtroopers took away the only family she had ever had. She still remembered the pain as she watched them die. She cried about them sometimes, in the peace of her own room. She remembered the pain of losing family members.

She didn't think she could live through losing another one.

"Chopper, can you find Ezra?"

Chopper tried. His scanners couldn't find Ezra anywhere. He gave a sigh, and answered.

"Beb boop boooo."

Sabine sighed. She had expected this. She was about to turn back, when Chopper started beeping and whistling excitedly and pointing in the direction of the old abandoned government warehouses. They had been abandoned when the Empire came to Lothal, and took over as the new 'government'. Sabine stared, then turned and started speeding in the direction of the warehouses. She would find Ezra.

Whatever it took.

Government warehouse no.1. The first casualty of the imperial takeover. Sabine approached, and after hiding her speeder in some bushes nearby, she instructed chopper to wait with the bike and crept in. The warehouse sure was creepy at night. The moonlight shone through cracks in the roof, illuminating the Bowspider webs hanging on the shelves. It did more than look creepy though. Although Sabine wasn't a Jedi, she could sense this place as a place of great suffering. As she moved deeper into the warehouse, her feet started making splashes on the floor. She looked down. The floor was indeed wet. A thick substance oozed there, and Sabine dipped her finger in and held it up to her headlight.

A moment later, she jumped back, out of the puddle, waving her finger around as she frantically tried to get rid of what was on it.

Blood. She had been standing in a pool of blood.

Hera was sitting in the cockpit of the Ghost, waiting for any sign of Ezra on the scanners, when Sabine contacted her in a blind panic. At the same time, Kanan contacted her about his story. The computer linked the com channels to each other, and it was several minutes before anyone realised who they were speaking to. After the chaos finished and Hera got Sabine calmed down, they all listened as each told their story. After, Hera contacted Kanan.

"Kanan, Zeb, head back here. I'll give you the coordinates." Said Hera into the com.

"Roger spectre 2, were on our way."

"Spectre 5," called Hera "stay there. We're com-"

"Hold on. I think it… I think I see someth…" Sabine's voice broke off, and the com crackled as it lost connection.

Sabine had indeed seen something. It started off as a noise. A sort of echoed sobbing, followed by someone whispering.

Someone was crying, and Sabine didn't need to look to know who.

As she passed another row of shelves, she saw something. Well, more accurately, someONE. Curled up in a ball, leaning against a corner of the building, was a child. Well, Sabine guessed him at 15. It was definitely a boy, and they were crying their eyes out. She got closer, and felt her heart jump.

It was Ezra.

As she got closer, she began to hear something else. Ezra was indeed conscious, and talking to himself. And Sabine didn't like what he was saying.

"No, noooooo."

"Ezra?"

"Pathetic, useless, unwanted."

"Ezra? Can you hear me? EZRA?"

"I know, I know, please!"

"Ezra? Are you talking to me?"

"No, make it stop, MAKE IT STOP!"

"Make what stop, make what stop? Ezra, I'm the only one here, it's all in your head!"

"The voices, the voices! AAARRRGHGH!"

"What voices? Ezra please! Can you hear me?! EZRA!"

Ezra was on his feet now, clutching his head. Sabine couldn't tell whether he was crying, shouting, or moaning. He seemed to be doing all three at the same time. Sabine could only watch in horror as the once-cheerful Lothalian whipped himself into a frenzy. Stumbling about, he rammed his head against the wall, all the while seemingly talking to another being. Another being who seemed to be insulting him, saying all those horrible things about him. Her mouth suddenly flew open, as Ezra picked up a shard of broken glass, and held it to his head.

"NO!"

Sabine tackled Ezra, wrestling him to the ground, while grabbing the glass from his hand and throwing it away. Ezra struggled, as Sabine pinned him on his back, and sitting on his chest, planted her feet on his arms to hold them in place while freeing her blaster, in a traditional Mandalorian holster-tackle. Ezra struggled, screaming all the while. Now he was talking to her, but the things he was saying hadn't gotten any better.

"No, no! Go away! Let me go! Please! All I do is make things worse!"

"Ezra stop! No you don't, please Ezra!"

"Leave me alone! You're all better off without me!"

"No, Ezra please, that's not true! Your…"

"Aarrgggggh! Nooooo! I'm just a failure! A mistake!"

"No, Ezra no! You're not a mistake! We need you!" Please EZRA!"

It was hard to tell who was crying harder at this point, the mad, suicidal Lothalian or the heartbroken Mandalorian girl. Sabine knew she couldn't calm him down, and so, holding her blaster with shaky hands, pointed it at his neck….

….

….

….

….

….

Then swung the pistol upwards, smashing it into his chin and knocking him out cold.

Kanan paced up and down the cockpit of the Ghost, anxiously worrying about his pupil. Zeb was simply sitting in a chair, staring blankly into space, when Sabine contacted the Ghost. Everyone hurried around the transmitter, but immediately knew something was wrong. Sabine was crying.

"Sp… Spectre 2 I… I got him. H...have the medbay standing by."

"Roger spectre 5, what happened out there?"

Sabine was about to answer, when she collapsed into a fresh breakdown of tears.

"Roger spectre 5. See you soon." Hera switched off the comlink and turned to the crew, her expression similar to one you might wear at a funeral.

The morning arrived, bringing with it a fresh turmoil as the various shops and stalls began to open for business, and stormtroopers began their patrol routes. Inside the Ghost, however, all was quiet, as everyone was gathered in the medbay, staring at the unconscious form of Ezra Bridger lying on the bed. The crew had all been greatly upset as Sabine had recounted her story, especially when she got to the part of how he tried to commit suicide. He now lay, however, quite still, as Hera had given him a Niverium Garnoil injection just in case. They all crowded around his bed, heads bowed as if at a funeral.

Suddenly, the unconscious form of Ezra twitched.

They all gathered around him hopefully, and then drew back in horror as the scene transformed. On minute Ezra was lying in the bed, the next he was thrashing about, yelling and convulsing as though in terrible pain. If not for the restraining straps holding him in place, he would be hitting the crew.

"Hera do something!" Kanan yelled, staring wide-eyed from his padawan to Hera, who was looking at Ezra's vitals with a look of mixed confusion and terror.

"Do something? Do what?" Hera yelled back.

"I DON'T KNOW! PUT HIM UNCONSCIOUS, ANYTHING!" Kanan was yelling now, as Sabine and Zeb were screaming at this sudden change that had come over him.

"Kanan, he IS unconscious! Whatever's happening to him, it's in his head!"

Ezra was screaming now. A horrible, gut-wrenching scream that echoed throughout the Ghost. Hera was looking wildly around the room, searching frantically for anything that might alleviate his pain.

"Sabine!" She yelled suddenly. "Behind you!"

Sabine frantically turned around, and saw, inside the open cupboard, a small syringe, filled with a greenish liquid. She grabbed it, but, in panic, simply jabbed the syringe directly into the young boys body, and injected the whole contents into him. Ezra's movements stopped abruptly, as he gave one final, muttering gasp, and lay still.

Ezra was walking through the dark alleyways of Lothal. He had been here before, it was horrible. The voices, their deathly cold tone, the whole thing struck terror into his heart.

"His cold, worthless, pathetic heart."

They were back. Everywhere he heard them, the three voices that caused him such sadness. They were right, he knew it. Dwelling on their words, cowering as they continued, as they gave him the truth.

"Pathetic. They never wanted you, they deserve better than you, you are just a pathetic, stupid, worthless…"

"You will never amount to anything, you are useless, lazy, pathetic, dead weight.

"Yessss, feel your anger. Embrace it. Embrace the dark…."

But whatever the third voice had been about to say was lost as another noise penetrated the darkness.

Singing. Beautiful singing, like an angel. He heard the voices growing fainter and fainter, as the singing got clearer and clearer, as he, all at once, knew who was singing.

Sabine sat in the chair, arms crossed in her lap as she stared at the unconscious body before her. After the outburst earlier today, Hera had ordered that he be kept under surveillance, and Sabine had insisted on taking first watch. So here she sat, the tray of syringes behind her, (in case of emergency) with only the deep, slow breaths of the Lothalian street-rat to comfort her. As she sat there, staring at him wearily, she started to sing, and soon, the melodious sound of her voice drifted around the room, sounding like an angel, guiding the fallen to the heavens.

"Are you, are you, coming to the tree.

They hung up a man, they say he murdered three.

Strange, things are happening, how stranger would it be,

If we met, at midnight, hanging in the tree.

Are you, are you, coming to the tree.

Where dead men called out, for his love to flee.

Strange things, are happening, how stranger would it be,

If we met, at midnight, hanging in the tree.

Are you, are you, coming to the tree.

Where I told, you to run,

So we would both be free.

Strange things are happening, how stranger would it be,

If we met, at midnight, hanging in the tree.

Are you, are you, coming to the tree.

Wear a necklace of hope, side by side with me.

Strange things, are happening, how stranger would it be,

If we met, at midnight, hanging in the tree."

As she sang, she realised something. Ezra was singing as well. Well, not really singing, but moving his lips in time to the song. She continued singing, as his movements became less and less frantic, and his breathing becoming slower and more natural. She finished the song, and he lay back, and for the first time in weeks, she saw a smile on his face, on those features, and those eyes that had become,

"My favourite shade of blue." She whispered to herself, and settled back in her chair, feeling suddenly much warmer in the medbay.

The happiness was short-lived, however, and within a week Ezra was back to his old self. Moaning in his sleep and occasionally having another outburst like Duoday, each time growing more and frantic and horrible. Sabine had refused to step down from the watch, and haven't slept in days, only eating from plates of food that Hera brought in, along with the medicine for Ezra. Weeks passed, and then, Ezra had been in the medbay for an entire month. Life in the Ghost became a timetable of less-than-cheerful routine, with Hera waking up earlier than usual to bring in breakfast for Sabine and regular doses of Niverium Garnoil for Ezra. Ever since his latest outbreak, in which he had actually struck Sabine unconscious, Hera had insisted that he be kept permanently asleep until further notice. Although the incident did not persuade Sabine to step down from the watch, it did help Kanan persuade her to get some sleep. She protested, but Hera sided with Kanan, and that night, Sabine drifted uneasily off to sleep in her own room. This proved to be a big mistake.

It started when Sabine woke up to a noise. It began as a small ripping sound, followed by a dull clang as iron met something solid, then a dull thud as something heavy hit the ground. Sabine rolled over and sighed. Probably just Hera, performing some maintenance on the Phantom. Although, those noises did sound like they were coming from the medbay, that was on the opposite side of the ship to the Phantom. And what was that noise of running feet down the corridor? It was almost as if someone was running down the hall. She listened as the footsteps stopped outside of Ezra's room, and a small beep beep baap as a door opened, followed by a gut wrenching squelch and another dull thud. Sabine rolled over and closed her eyes.

Seconds later, her eyes snapped open.

Hera had been heading down the corridor to the medbay, carrying a tray of medicine and food for Zeb. He had been placed on guard that night, so she knocked lightly on the door. Hearing no answer, she entered the door code just as Sabine came screaming up the corridor in hysterics, yelling to Hera. As she did, Hera had already opened the door and was on her way in when she saw the spectacle inside.

Zeb was lying on the floor, a huge lump on his head, and an iron bowl at his feet. On the bed, however, the restraining straps were ripped in the middle, and Ezra was gone. At Sabine's bidding, Hera hurried to Ezra's room, and found the young rogue.

He was lying in a pool of his own blood, one of his hands still grasping the hydrowrench, that was sticking, half in-half out of his neck.

"Ok, this time he's gone too far!"

The medbay was a cold and unforgiving place at best, but now it seemed even more so. Even though Hera had immediately taken full care of Ezra, and maintained still that he would make a full recovery, Kanan still felt that this outbreak was incredibly serious, and he immediately called all crew to the medbay.

"Ok, it's clear that we have to set some rules down, for when he wakes up. First of all," Kanan said, looking at the crew. "We need to get those straps reinforced."

"Second," he continued, without stopping for breath. "He needs to be under constant supervision, and that person has to keep a vial of Niverium Garnoil on them at all times."

"And…" Kanan said, looking sternly at the Hera. "You need to check him every morning, midday, and night for recent injuries. We got lucky this time. Luck can't keep him safe from himself forever."

Everyone nodded, except Sabine, who was still sobbing into Hera's shoulder. They all knew Kanan was right, but Ezra had become like a family member over time, and the thought of keeping him like a prisoner was a sad thought to everyone. Even Zeb, though he was pretending it wasn't.

Sabine felt awful. They had been keeping Ezra like this for three months, and she couldn't take it much longer. Despite Kanans doubts, she had flat-out refused to let anyone else take over the watch. She simply sat in the plastic chair for weeks on end, and never even came out anymore. It was on one of these nights that she made a horrible discovery.

Sabine was sitting in the chair, staring at Ezra with heavy eyes. Although she cared about him very much and wouldn't leave his side for anything, she couldn't pretend she wasn't tired. As the hours ticked by and the medbay got darker and darker, her eyelids got heavier and heavier, until she simply couldn't keep them open.

She was gliding above Capital City, flying over the darkened streets and the abandoned buildings, gliding over the alleyways, towards the voices. She could hear them, they were cold, unforgiving. She didn't feel safe with them. Eventually, she flew through the alleyway, and saw them. Weird, disembodied voices, talking to a young man, sitting in the alleyway with his hands covering his head. She heard them, taunting him, insulting him, it was horrible. She felt she recognised the boy, but she couldn't say where from. As she watched, horrified, as the voices continued calling him horrible things, and calling to him, about the…

Dark side.

Sabines eyes snapped open, and she looked around in panic. She appeared to have fallen asleep in the chair. A thin line of drool was dangling from her mouth. She wiped it off. As she peered around, she saw the vials had fallen on to the floor. Then she heard a sound.

Moaning. She heard moaning. She had grown accustomed to hearing Ezra moaning in his sleep, but on this occasion she actually comprehended what he was saying. Grabbing a vial, she injected a half-contents into his body, and he stopped. She looked at him, at his face, and realised her eyes were full of tears.

Sabine was hesitant to tell the others what she had seen that morning. When Hera came in to give her some breakfast and check Ezra, she almost told her, but then decided against it. It wasn't that she didn't trust Hera, she just didn't feel like she should reveal to have seen it.

Another few weeks passed without any troubles on Ezra's part. Sabine was starting to think the voices had stopped, like somehow her visit had caused them to stop.

When that all changed.

"S… Sabine…"

Sabine sat up immediately.

"I wasn't asleep!" She exclaimed instinctively, then stopped. She was alone in the medbay, just her and…

She nearly jumped out of her skin. After all these months, all that silence, she had come to regard the object of her concern as, less a human being, more a piece of furniture. A treasure that needed guarding, rather than a talking breathing…

Yet here he was.

Talking.

"Sabine… My d… Diary, please…" Ezra's voice was weak and slow, and he seemed to be putting great effort into forming these words. Sabine was at his side immediately.

"I...in my bag, please…"

She dived for his bag. Inside it, after rummaging around a bit, she extracted a small, leather journal and pen. She handed them to Ezra and watched as, with obvious great effort, he shakely opened the book to a new page, and began to write. He was weak and shaky, and seemed to take twice as long to write as normal. Finally, he finished, and dropped his diary into the bag, which Sabine had placed on a chair beside him.

"Th… Thank you.."

With that, he passed out from the effort, and silence descended once again on the medbay. Sabine took a long, deep breath, and tried to consider what happened. However long she sat there, she didn't know, but suddenly, her eyes were drawn once again, and she found herself staring at the bag, which had not been closed. After looking carefully around, she reached into the bag, and extracted a small, leather journal.

As she did, she suddenly stopped. Did she really want to do this? She didn't want to intrude on Ezra's privacy. Still, it could help him?

Kanan was meditating in his room. He had been trying to calm himself, find any trace of imperial activity, but his mind kept wandering back to Ezra. He shook his head, and was about to go get a drink of water from the refresher when a voice came over the com.

"All Ghost crew to the living room immediately please." It was Hera's voice, and she sounded afraid. Kanan immediately jumped off the bed and ran from his room. Anything that scared her scared him, and he had a feeling what this was about.

When he entered the living room, he noticed two things. One was that everyone was there, and the next was that Sabine had a terrible look on her face, as though she wanted to cry but couldn't. After he took a seat, he noticed a small journal on the table. He reached a hand out to the book, and looked at Hera, who nodded. Kanan picked up the diary, opened it, and began to read.

It was horrible. The book detailed suicide attempts. The journal had been fine at the start, with enthusiastic and detailed entries. But that disappeared when he got past the first year.

At an entry from about five months ago, it detailed something different. A sadness. The words had been shakely written, and detailed how useless Ezra was to the crew. From then on, the whole book contained shakely written entry's detailing the voices, his depression, and, at a later point, suicide attempts. Kanans eyes got wider and wider as he read these. Everything from 'accidently' falling off the Ghost to trying to slit his own neck in the bathroom of his tower, he had tried. They became scrawled sentences, telling of failed attempts to end his despair. However, at a point of where he had been captured by Sabine, there was a long empty period, blank pages from where he had been unconscious and unable to write. However, at the very end, there was another entry, one that Sabine said had been written that day, that made Kanans blood run ice cold in his veins.

The page was more neat, but still written very shakely, and it took Kanan several seconds to decipher the chapter. When he did, however, he immediately wished he didn't.

Not wrong.

Not mistake.

They are.

The dark side.

Kanan almost passed out as he read that last sentence. Sabine saw where he was, steeled herself, and began to tall Kanan about the dream she had had. As soon as she got to the part where the voices were talking about the dark side, Kanan jumped up as though he'd been shocked. (Hera immediately checked that chopper was on the other side of the room.

"Who is watching Ezra?"

"Kanan-"

"WHO?!" Yelled Kanan as he took off in the direction of the medbay. The others followed him, with expressions ranging from confusion to fear. Kanan practically hammered down the door, and gasped at the sight. He groaned, grabbing his head and yelling:

"No no no no NO!"

"Kanan, what?"

As the group peered into the medbay, a sight was enough to confirm. For the second time in over three months, the straps were ripped, and Ezra was nowhere to be found.

The crew was immediately in an uproar. They all knew it was no use searching the Ghost again, and five minutes later, three speeders sped off in the direction of the old warehouse. Kanan rode up front, his face a mask of grim determination. He had a hunch, he just hoped it was wrong. As they reached the warehouse, they all stowed the bikes in the bushes, and the Correlian, the Mandalorian, and the Lasat entered the warehouse, weapons in hand. As they entered, Sabine began to feel cold. It was a warm summers night, but as soon as she entered the place, something about it made her feel very cold. Kanan felt nothing, but as they passed between the many shelves laden with old and empty boxes, they heard a voice. It was whispering, but they could hear it quite clearly. As they passed another row, Kanan glanced down one of the isles, and stopped dead.

Ezra.

He was there, on his feet for the first time in five months. As he turned, and stared at them all, Kanans head exploded with pain.

Kanan grabbed his head in panic. He had never experienced pain like this before. Sabine and Zeb had their blisters trained on Ezra, and for a few seconds, no one moved. Then, a voice came out of the shadows. A horrible, deep voice the crew had hoped to never hear again.

"Who is there, padawan?"

Ezra looked at them, and it seemed for a seconds he was going to attack. However, he turned, and spoke into the darkness.

"Intruders, master. The rebels."

"Oh yes… So it is."

At that moment, Kanans pain stopped, as the figure appeared out of the darkness beside Ezra.

Even after half a year, the form of the Inquisitor was instantly recognisable, in his dark Sith armour, and uniquely designed lightsaber. The renegade Pau-on stepped beside Ezra and whispered two words to him.

"Kill them."

Ezra charged. Igniting his lightsaber as he ran, Kanan had barely time to get into position before Ezra swung at him, and followed up using a high sweep that almost lopped the mans head clean off.

Ezra was duelling to kill.

Kanan ducked, and jabbed at Ezra, not enough for a death blow, just enough to force the young Lothalian to back away. As it happened, Ezra simply side-stepped the blow, sending Kanan flying into a shelf, which promptly fell over.

Watching the two duel fiercely in the centre filled Sabine and Zeb with a feeling of utter hopelessness. They wanted to help Kanan, but the two were duelling so fiercely they were more likely to hit Kanan than Ezra. As it happened, any help would have been greatly appriciated by Kanan, who found himself losing the match.

Kanan had never faced an opponent like Ezra. Every strike he made was dodged, every lunge side-stepped, every punch blocked and twisted, and when he tried a force push, he found himself sprawled on the floor, gasping for breath. The inquisitor had taught him much, and Ezra's ferocity seemed to be carrying him through battle. Worse still, Kanan was beginning to tire, while Ezra's stamina seemed endless. Eventually, Kanans exhaustion caused him to fall for a crafty sweep by Ezra, and before he knew it, Kanan felt his throat constrict, as though an invisable hand was choking the life out of him. As the other two watched in horror, Ezra force choked Kanan off the ground, then threw him into the air. Kanan went flying through a window on the wall of the building, and hit the ground with a terrible crack. A loud scream rent the air, as he lifted his head, then flopped backwards, and the world went black.

Ezra stared at the window for half a second, as if deciding whether to go after his master. However, he instead turned his attention to the two stunned rebels standing before him. There eye met, and for several seconds, no one moved.

Then Zeb let out a bellow of rage, and charged.

Ezra was prepared, and readily brought his lightsaber into position. The Lasat had charged the boy with his Bowrifle, relying on his greater strength to carry him through the combat. As it turned out however, Zeb didn't have greater strength than the turned Lothalian. The young warrior outmatched him at every turn, as their blades clashed in the ring. Eventually, Ezra went for a feint, and faked a dramatic reaction to a punch which had actually missed him. Then when Zeb flew in to follow up on the move, Ezra effortlessly sidestepped him, disarming him and thrusting his blade deep into the Lasats shoulder. The Honour Guard shrieked in pain, writhing around as Ezra threw him to the floor and placed a foot on his stomach. Sabine looked on in horror. This wasn't Ezra. Or rather, it was him but wasn't. Like when a hermit crab steals a shell from another and wears it. It's still the same shell, just not.

Sabine locked eyes with Ezra. The only thing that separated the two was a few feet and the body of Garazeb Orelious. Her horror intensified as, with two twists of his foot, Ezra caused the Lasat to scream in pain, then promptly stomped on Zeb's chest, causing the warrior to gasp, and fall silent. The only sound now was Ezra's heavy breathing. His Sith armour was stained with blood.

The blood of Sabines friends.

Ezra stood there, gazing at Sabine with a weird expression on his face. As Sabine watched, she saw something in his eyes. Something that she haven't seen in a long time. His eyes had changed from blue to red during the conflict, but now, there was something in there that she haven't seen in him before. He looked…

Confused.

Ezra shook his head, and rubbed his eyes. He knew he should destroy this pathetic weakling, this useless rebel that thought there was any stronger power than the Dark Side, that the empire was weak and vulnerable. But he didn't think that. Or rather, he did, but something else was there as well. And Sabine understood, at that moment, that beneath all the turmoil and chaos, a vestige of Ezra Bridger still lingered.

The inquisitor pulled up at the boys side. His face showed confusion, and, a hint of concern.

"Kill her. Kill her and we can rule the galaxy together!"

Ezra shivered, and removed his hand.

"Yes master."

And he charged.

Before she knew it, Sabine found herself being held by the waist as Ezra charged her. He picked her up at the waist, and charged for the wall, while Sabine squirmed and fought, trying to get free. Just before she hit the wall, the young Mandalorian sighed, gritted her teeth, and brought both elbows down on the exposed neck of her attacker.

Ezra yelled out in pain, and stumbled backwards, holding his neck and stumbling around, momentarily stunned. As he recovered, he swung a punch with enough power to send his fist straight through the durasteel wall of the warehouse, as Sabine ducked. Ezra rallied with incredible speed, dropping onto his back to gain level, then sliding under her, and somersaulting behind her. Sabine had never seen such a move, and when she kicked out, she felt a blinding pain in her leg, as a loud crack rent the quiet, and Ezra flipped her over him with such speed, Sabine actually felt herself flying through the air, coming to a sudden and aprupt stop against the wall of the warehouse.

Sabine cried out. It was the worst pain she had ever felt felt in her life. As she lay against the wall, gasping for breath and clutching her leg, Ezra stormed up to her, lightsaber in hand.

Sabine sighed. She knew she was going to die. Die at the hands of the boy she loved. She closed her eyes, and waited for death.

Several seconds passed, and when nothing happened, she chanced a glance.

Ezra was standing over her, his lightsaber inches from her face. He could swing at any moment and the young Mandalorian would be someone else's problem. But as he stood there, emotions he hadn't felt in a long time were fighting for control in him. The inquisitor stormed up to him.

"Finish her. Finish her and we can rule the Galaxy together!"

Ezra shook his head, as if trying to dislodge water in his ear.

"Y...yes master. As you wish."

But still he stood there, looking into Sabines eyes with a mixture of confusion and inner turmoil. The inquisitor pulled out his own lightsaber, and moved to Ezra's side.

"Then I will do it. For the Sith!"

Ezra stared at the inquisitor with wide eyes. He had to obey his master, didn't he?

But there were other things, he thought to himself. What if the dark side is wrong?

The inner feelings wrestling for control were all giving Ezra such a headache, but as he saw the inquisitor, raising his lightsaber to kill Sabine, Ezra made up his mind.

"NOOOOO!"

Swinging his lightsaber in a semi-circle motion around him, Ezra thrust it with all his might, as Sabine stared in horror, and the inquisitor halted, his lightsaber held up at his shoulder. He stumbled backwards, dropping his lightsaber as he groped weakly for the lightsaber now imbedded deeply in his chest.

White-hot pain spread throughout his body, originating at the wound. He looked furiously at Ezra, who had stooped to pick up the inquisitor's lightsaber, his own still embedded firmly in his enemy's chest. He yanked Ezra's lightsaber out of his chest, knowing that he was going to die, but not willing to go out on his terms, he charged, and Ezra took a step backward, and threw the lightsaber with all his might.

There was a moment of blinding confusion, as a loud squelch and the sound of a whirling lightsaber, and the inquisitor took two more steps towards the rebels…

Then his head simply rolled off his shoulders. The body collapsed after it.

Sabine collapsed. Her adrenaline had worn out already and all she felt like doing was lying down and sleeping. But she knew she couldn't do that.

There was still work to be done.

For Ezra had dropped the lightsaber, and curled up into a ball on the floor. Sabine didn't need to listen to know the voices were back. Ezra was murmuring, talking to himself as he recited the words the voices were saying. Sabine was heartbroken. She knelt beside him, and tried to comfort him.

"Ezra please, wake up!"

Ezra could still hear the voices, but it was like hearing the voices through the end of a comphone, distant and small. They were still there though, and Ezra was still succumbing to to the voices. Sabine tried everything she could think of. However, Sabine still could see Ezra was still listening to the voices, and she knew from experience who they were, and also that listening to one's conscience for too long could cause the listener to waste away into nothing. She lay on top of her, and whispered in his ear:

"Ezra… I love you."

And with that, those words that Ezra heard loud and clear, the voices disappeared, wasting away into nothingness, with that one thought that said:

You're wrong.

Ezra rolled onto his back, and stared at Sabine with blue eyes again. But not just the eyes. Something was in there that Sabine haven't seen since The Despair. (That was what the crew called Ezra's disappearance.) his fire was back. His spirit was still alive.

"S...Sabine…"

And with that, he passed out.

Sabine stood there for a moment, looking from the unconscious Lothalian, to the injured Lasat, to the smashed window from where Kanan had flown through, and radioed the Ghost.

"Spectre 5 to spectre 2, Hera, you there?"

"Yeah kid. How is everyone, where's Ezra?"

"I got him here. Gonna need pickup though, looks like I'm the only one who can stand at the moment."

"Roger Sabine, on my way… Sabine? Sabine?"

But there was no answer, as Sabine had, at that moment, from all the exhaustion, passed out over Ezra's body.


End file.
